Semblance of a Whole
by kisses1991
Summary: Naruto is hated through out the village for holding the demon fox. How does he hold himself together when he's about to break?  Rated for self injury, abuse, and rape, and yaoi hints.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note_**: This is a bit darker. I've never written a lime/lemon before and I didn't want that to be the focus therefore I tried to keep it short. Please review!

Wanting to see just how far he could go, Naruto raised the pointed kunai inches above his pale wrist and both grimaced and was relieved at what he knew was to come. In a swift, well practiced movement he brought the sharpened point to his skin from wrist to mid forearm. Seconds later crimson liquid bubbled up and rapidly filled the length of the cut. It soon accumulated and spilled over the sides of his arm to collect on the floor. He followed the trail of blood with his lifeless cerulean eyes, a glimmer of pain shining from somewhere deep within.

As he cut himself he tried to focus on what was in front of him and not what had happened to make him do something so horrible to himself. As was usual, he wasn't able to deny and forget the memories from earlier, just hope to cloud over them long enough for his shattered mind to repair itself.

They hurt him, touched him. Made him hate himself.

His morning had begun unpleasant and continued to worsen throughout the day. A group of young children had hurled rocks at him while he had been sitting on the wooden swing outside the academy. They were simply repeating the harsh acts their parents had committed in order to punish the 'Demon' boy; the children not knowing the cause for their hatred towards Naruto.

They called him a monster as the rocks hit his arms and legs. He felt the welts swelling as he sat, refusing to make eye contact and doing everything he could to not give them the satisfaction of seeing him cry. He deserved what he got; nothing more, nothing less. It was his fault for being the cause of so many losses and the cause for the pain of so many people.

Later, he headed back towards his apartment through the back allies of Konoha in order to avoid the hateful eyes of the villagers. Naruto could sense the chakra approaching from behind. He strived to walk faster as the chakra continued to come closer. Abruptly from the corner ahead a man came towards Naruto. He could sense the anger spilling off the man in waves. The blonde haired boy whimpered as he felt the chakra that had been following him from behind come inches away from his body.

He could smell the alcohol on the man's breath as he whispered, "Fucking demon fox. We'll rip you apart from the inside out. You'll hurt more than anyone in this village ever has."

The man that stood in front of Naruto dashed forward as Naruto braced himself for the impact. He felt his head crack into the brick wall of the ally. A warm drop of blood traced it's way down his forehead, to his nose and down to splatter on the pavement. It was becoming increasingly dark outside and now fewer people could be heard on the streets just out of Naruto's reach.

A kunai cut into his flesh and he leapt out of the grasp of the man pinning him to the wall. The side of his hip bled as he pummeled to the ground in pain. The cut was deep and pain exploded in the right side of his body with the slightest movement.

He felt dizzy and overwhelmed. He knew what was coming.

Before he could pull himself up, he was pinned down again by the strong arms of the other man. Panic started to make his breathing difficult. He couldn't win while injured and against this kind of strength. His only chance would be if he could call for help. Maybe if he hoped enough, somebody would hear the struggle and come to investigate.

It's hard to keep hoping when your in a secluded ally late at night.

Lips roughly caressed his own. Naruto held back the urge to bite, knowing it would only result in him being hurt further. The man's legs were placed on either side of his body, straddling him, and holding him firmly in place. The blonde haired boy gasped as an unfamiliar hand grasped his most private parts. Incapable of voicing his protest, he whimpered and barely held back tears of humiliation and frustration as his pants and underwear were ripped down. He felt the other man's hardness against the back of his thigh. His face was burning and he turned his head so as not to see the man on top of him. He felt vulnerable and weak. His body reacted to the touch of the man and he hated himself for it. Naruto gritted his teeth in anger as his body betrayed him. The touches paused and the man on top of him rid himself of his clothing also. He roughly grabbed Naruto at the waist. Every muscle in his small body contracted as he felt the man's erection enter him. It felt like his insides were tearing , like he really was being torn in half. The agony of the pounding inside him made everything ache more. The wound on his hip continued to bleed and accrue on the ground below him.

As he fainted, Naruto didn't feel the impact of his forehead slamming into the pavement.

Author's Note: Very short chapter. I'm thinking about a KakashixNaruto pairing in here because NaruxSasu is getting boring. I've completely reversed my sleeping pattern now. It's four in the morning and I still am not tired.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Naruto.

Author's Note: I like these note things at the beginning; they need no brain power. So here is chapter two. I started this chapter from the end and worked my way backwards. I hope you like it. Fluffy NaruKaka. Sasuke never left!! Naruto is 17 in this story and Kakashi is..well Kakashi is just hot. Sorry for the annoying lines of periods. They mean there's a change in time and setting, and the length of the lines also correspond with how long the time jump is.

Currently: Listening to "Room of Angels" and surfing Youtube. You should go check mine out. .

****

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A familiar silver haired jounin walked haphazardly towards the Hokage's office. His nose was buried in a small orange book blocking all else from sight. He continued up the spiraling flights of stairs and into the hall that led to a large wooden door. He knocked twice and waited to be summoned inside.

"Come in, Kakashi-san."

He went in, barely tearing his eyes away from the very interesting page he was now on. Standing moodily before the Hokage, he waited for a mission to be assigned.

"Last night a large group of drunkards was reported roaming the streets, one of whom has already been arrested for assault on two kuniochi. I'd like you to search the area for any signs of further violence and clean up any damage they may have caused."

"Hai," Kakashi responded as he turned to walk out the door. The faster he finished his mission, the faster he could continue with his book.

Why did the Hokage assign him such menial tasks? She could have sent out a couple genin out and gotten the same results, if not better. Skipping out and going to read his book on a tree limb crossed his mind, but he didn't want to face the Hokage's fury if he was caught.

The few streets which the men had roamed seemed fine, not including the strewn beer bottles and shattered glass which prohibited anyone from taking shortcuts down the alleyways. Picking up pieces here and there, Kakashi continued through the cluttered paths. Ahead of him a pile of bright orange lay on the ground. He turned to leave, presuming it was another pile of rubbish. Though if he didn't complete his mission adequately…

The orange pile stirred slightly catching his attention. As he came closer to it he stumbled slightly and his breath caught in his throat. Before him lay a person very familiar to him, someone that he cherished deeply along with the rest of his team, and this person was hurt badly. Naruto lay on his back. His face was bruised and caked in his own blood and another substance which Kakashi recognized, but wished he didn't. His team member's pants were gone and his lower extremities bared.

He slid his hand below Naruto's neck and pulled the boy up gently from the ground. He held him closely to his chest and watched as the boy's golden crown of hair fluttered back from his face. His brow was creased in his sleep and his hands tightened into fists. Kakashi wished that he could stop the thing that was causing him pain in his sleep. Instead he hugged Naruto tighter to himself as he walked back to his apartment. He'd fix this.

****

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The light in the small room was dim as his lids parted for the first time since last night. He could see the vague shape of furniture filling space and a door across from him. He was warm and covered to his chin in blanket after blanket. As he sat up to get a better look, pain shot from his backside and up his spine. He fell back onto the pillows behind him with a grunt.

Although the room was unfamiliar, it gave off a warm feeling. It seemed more like "home" in the first few seconds Naruto had been awake then his own apartment had ever felt. He cautiously rose from the bed, placing one foot on the floor at a time and stood. On the bedside table he had not noticed before sat two pictures. The first was what Naruto assumed to be Kakashi's old team. This younger version of Kakashi still wore that same mask and a look of annoyance much like Sasuke's. In the photo beside that one was Team 7, Naruto's closest friends.

As he slowly walked to the closed door he knew not what expect from Kakashi, but still he proceeded.

From the bedroom a small empty hall lead down to two doors; one on the left and one across from that. Light seeped beneath the crack of the door on the left and so Naruto strode towards that one. He went inside, not bothering to knock.

Feet in front of him was the naked backside of his teacher. Steam poured from above the shower curtain and drops of water and sweat clung to Kakashi's skin and silver hair. Mouth agape, Naruto stood silently, not sure what to do with himself. So slowly he backed out, trying to avert his eyes but not quite succeeding. He groped for the doorknob and turned to leave.

"Would you mind handing me the soap?"

****

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After a rough start, Naruto hoped that whatever was to come next wouldn't involve his sensei's extremely toned ass.

****

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Living in a small apartment with another person could be considered a blessing or a curse. For Kakashi, he welcomed having a companion, even if it meant less privacy; and for some people, he could do without privacy altogether. Although as always, along with the good came the bad.

Naruto suffered through each night. Many times Kakashi was awoken by the pained sobs or movement of Naruto. During the daytime there were many tasks to be completed and things to keep his mind busy, but the long hours after dusk drudged on one after another. He relived that same moment in his mind over and over until it seemed to be ironed into his brain. He couldn't help but play through the same scene thinking "Is there some way I could have escaped? Why didn't I try harder?"

Hearing Naruto in pain brought pain upon him. When Kakashi was sure Naruto was asleep, he'd hug him close until all grief melted from his whiskered face.

****

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………………………………...

He was walking along the streets of Konoha aimlessly. The area was void of other life, which was very unusual for such a beautiful day. He watched as the ground slipped past him with every step he took. His trademark orange jacket was slung over his shoulder. Like before, he could feel the presence of a person from behind and just barely hear the echo of their footsteps. Naruto became flustered and walked more quickly to any destination far from hear. The person was approaching at a faster rate and gaining on him. Naruto's limbs felt numb with fear, and no matter how hard his mind told them to move faster, they would not cooperate. Closer and closer the person came until Naruto felt a hand clench onto the back of his black t-shirt and pull him backwards into another's warm body. He was promptly thrown to the ground and straddled by the other man. He lay whimpering, but not moving as hands roughly caressed his skin.

"Naruto. I want you. Naruto…Naruto!"

"Naruto, wake up!" He woke, thrashing in a white sheet moist with sweat and Kakashi's hands grasping his shoulders. Everything had felt so real. Terror still shone in his eyes as Kakashi hugged him close. He held him in his arms until Naruto's breathing returned to normal and he snuggled further into his chest and fell asleep.

****

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After Naruto had pulled his black t-shirt and a pair of black pants on, he walked down the small hallway and through the door into the living room. Kakashi was sitting with his feet perched beneath him on the couch and reading Icha Icha. He greeted Naruto with a bright grin.

"What's in that book anyway?"

"An epic tale of love and betrayal," Kakashi replied, obviously ignoring the fact that it was just porn, even if it had a plausible storyline.

"I have to leave for a mission today and I'll be gone until late tomorrow evening. The Hokage has ordered that you stay here until you're fit to go on missions again."

"But I'm fine, Kakashi-sensei."

"Hokage's orders." Kakashi answered simply. "Stay here and please don't get into any trouble."

After Kakashi departed, Naruto paced the length of the apartment until restless. Ignoring Kakashi's orders, he left and walked outside for the first time in four days. The sun was just rising above the trees in the forest and birds were chirping happily as they fluttered from building to building. Although early in the morning, villagers were already filling the streets. Naruto walked with his whiskered face down and watched the ground as it slipped past him, just like in the dream he had every night. Somehow he ended up at the ninja academy, where he had spent his childhood when not causing havoc in the city. He went to the wooden swing that hung off an old tree. This was one of his favorite places to sit when he felt alone.

He swung lazily back and forth with his eyes closed.

A hand gently tapped on his shoulder and his muscles stiffened.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I didn't mean to startle you," Sakura said as she bent forward to hug Naruto. He pulled back slightly at the unwanted physical contact. Before, he would have given anything for Sakura to hug him.

"I haven't seen you in a while Naruto-kun. How are you feeling?"

It donned on him that, of course she would know what had happened, being Tsunade's assistant.

How many other people knew that he had been taken advantage of? That he was weak and defiled? It was horrible enough to face that Kakashi had seen him in that state.

"Fine, Sakura-chan." he said, not looking up. "I should go now…"

She watched him with concern as he left.

****

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It seemed as he walked down the street, that every face turned to watch him with looks of repulsion. It seemed that they could all tell what had happened to him.

****

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Naruto arrived back at the apartment, went inside and paced back and forth again. Dazedly, he went to the kitchen and pulled open the drawer where a collection of knives lay in a row. He picked up one that particularly glistened in the dim light from overhead. The tip of it stung as it pierced the thin skin of his forearm. He pulled it up the length of his arm and drove it in deeper. He watched as blood spilled out of the gash. It ran in rivulets down his arm and dripped from his fingertips to the floor. The pain in his arm numbed his mind.

He wished he could bleed until he had no color left. He wished he could just wither up and disappear.

****

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Author's Note: He doesn't die, if you were worried about that. I just got tired of writing. Hopefully there will new chapters at a quicker rate. I start school on Sept.4th, and when I'm in school my muses come back. Besides, Naruto and Kakashi is just too yummy to leave alone. Thanks for reading. Reviews make me do a dorky happy dance.


	3. Chapter 3

_Note from Kisses1991: Yo! I'm updating finally sweat drop My inbox got overrun by FF emails . and I feel guilty so here! I'm sorry for my epic fail to produce any good writing. Also, read the note on the bottom because it may be of some interest to someone._

_And I didn't feel like checking for errors. Meehh. Too much studying hurt my brain._

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Naruto woke to no sense of comfort or warmth as he had before from a similar deep slumber, except for his left hand which was smothered by the hand of another person's delicate and smooth hand. As he sat up slowly to gather his surroundings, he saw Sakura smile brightly at him, although the smile did not quite meet her emerald eyes. He realized the small room he took residence in was nearly all white and immaculate and the vase of flowers next to his bed attempting to cover the smell of sickness and cleaning fluid were to no avail. Naruto lay in the hospital, a place rather common to him due to the many missions he took as a ninja.

"Are you feeling a bit better, Naruto?"

He turned to his pink haired friend and feigned a grin, "Never better, Sakura-chan."

He asked, "So, how did I get here?"

"I realized you shouldn't be alone after I talked to you yesterday. So, I followed. You know, Naruto, when I went into Kakashi's apartment and saw you lying there on the floor…I thought you were…" tears started to gather in her eyes, spill over, and run down the length of her cheeks. "I've never been so scared!"

She suddenly lurched forward gathering as much of Naruto as possible into her arms and hugging him tightly. This time he did not pull back until his arms began to ache. "Sakura, your hurting me…"

"Oh!" And without any explanation Sakura let go and rose from her seat. She walked out with a quick glance back saying, "I'll come back to check on you later, Naruto-kun. "

He smiled as her pink hair was replaced by the unruly, silver locks of his sensei coming around the corner. Kakashi though did not return the smile or warmth. Nor did he move any closer from his stance in the doorway or utter a word. Simply, he stood with arms crossed and his weight leaning on the doorframe. It seemed an invisible barrier prohibited him from advancing forward.

Perhaps he felt it was his fault Naruto lie in this hideous room and now wore quite a distressing frown. Naruto was propped on a fluffy pillow and he seemed oh so fragile; his body was small and light compared to the bedding he lay under.

The best way to keep any fragile object intact is to resist the impulse to caress or hold no matter how tempting, so that is what Kakashi did.

"I'm sorry," Naruto said as he stared at his hands in his lap. "I umm…I didn't mean to." The sound of his voice echoed in the silence.

Kakashi was frustrated an angry-- with himself and with Naruto.

Finally, he stepped forward, strode across the shiny floor and perched himself on the end of the blonde's bed.

"You know, Naruto-kun, what you did was wrong. You can't just be so impulsive. You have to act before…" His voice faded as he noticed that with each word, Naruto seemed to distance himself more.

"I'm sorry," Naruto whispered

Kakashi began again, this time with a different approach. "Every morning, before the other villagers are awake, I visit the old memorial for the Ninjas killed in action. I think I told you once about the importance of it. On that stone, the names of my friends, family, and teammates are carved permanently." He struggled to express his meaning, "I don't want you to be another grave to be visited, Naruto-kun. Please don't do that to me."

He stood suddenly. "Hokage- sama feels that it would be more beneficial for you health if were to stay here instead of with me. You'll be moved to another ward for longer-term residents. "

"Good- bye Naruto-kun. Stay safe."

He spared a last glance back before passing through the door to leave.

……………………

One Month Later

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Naruto woke up this morning with a sense of loss, but yet with a feeling that maybe something new would begin. Today he was being released from the hospital a few weeks early due to "good behavior". Excluding the breakdown he had the first week he had arrived, he had followed the daily regimen and attended therapy sessions without question.

Because he was leaving today, Naruto had risen early to straighten his belongings and pull on an outfit before Sakura came to retrieve him.

After saying goodbye to a few fellow patients he had grown closer to, the blonde nin followed behind Sakura, lingering a bit at the entrance and the proceeded through.

The day was just beginning . Rays of sunlight spilled through the grey clouds spanning the immense sky. Many villagers were already out enjoying the sun warmed air. Naruto took a second to stare at the bright ellipse in the sky and take in a generous breathe of fresh air. His skin was paler now but considering the circumstances, he looked fairly well and without having his normal orange jacket on, his body looked long and lean.

Sakura halted and turned to smile sweetly at him. "Coming?"

Naruto gave her a large fox-like grin and replied, "Only if you go on a date with me. Ramen?"

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"Ok. So I didn't expect you to say yes Sakura-chan. You know, I've never actually planned this far ahead," he admitted sheepishly.

She laughed, "That's ok, Naruto-kun. I figured I owed you after all those years of harsh rejection. I've grown up and so have you."

"Glad to see you back, Uzumaki-san!" The Ramen Vendor exclaimed as he handed the two Nins their steamy ramen bowls.

Naruto immediately wolfed into his while Sakura daintily snapped her wooden chopsticks.

Looking intently into the twisting noodles of his bowl he asked, "So how is Kakashi-sensei?"

Sakura continued to slurp up the noodles in her eggshell white bowl and paid Naruto no attention.

"Sakura! I said how--"

"Oh Naruto," she replied sadly. "I heard you, it's just that Kakashi has been different since you left to stay in the hospital. He hardly ever talks to me anymore or to anyone else for that matter. I overheard the Hokage and Kakashi discussing the possibility of him attaining an A-rank mission. The Hokage keeps those stowed away for ninjas who request to take them. An A-rank mission is a near guaranteed death, but they've got to be done by somebody."

"A suicide mission?" Naruto stood up angrily, hitting his ramen bowl with his elbow and causing it to spill. He took no notice of his lost lunch. "I don't understand why he would do that…"

Sakura turned to him, "I think he feels that the unfortunate things that have happened are somehow his fault."

"Thanks for lunch Sakura-chan. I'm going to find him."

Naruto bent down to hug her lightly around her shoulders before he left.

Sakura watched his receding silhouette and sighed, "Good luck Naruto-kun."

………………………………...

Naruto knew where to look for Kakashi with a moments thought and headed in that direction.

The blonde haired boy soon arrived at his destination and as predicted, Hatake Kakashi sat crouched on the balls of his feet in front of the slanted stone memorial , the names of departed ninjas engraved on its face. His own masked face was reflected in the shiny surface and within his own reflection he saw the dilated image of Naruto coming towards him and sighed. He rather despised the unexpected. Kakashi remained in his crouched position and allowed Naruto to come beside him. Naruto mirrored his elders position and sat with him, also observing the stone statue.

"It doesn't seem like it would be much fun talking to this thing or coming here every morning to reminisce with it," he stated, staring at his whiskered reflection. Kakashi remained quiet.

"Sometimes life can be easier to live if you just try to disregard those unpleasant memories. You've got to keep moving forward."

He reached over and clasped onto the sliver haired Jonin's large, warm hand.

"Trust me on this one."

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_Kisses1991: So I wrote more on this originally, but it strayed so far from my originally planned plot that I scrapped it but then I'm like "Hey! Why don't I just add them anyway! And mercilessly torture your souls with my original characters and bad plot twists!" _

_So I'll be writing an alternate add on to when Naruto stays in the hospital. Hopefully it won't be too much like my Sasuke centric fic._

_Thanks for reading. I really do appreciate reviews, bad and good! huggles _

_I also drew a fanart for my own fan fiction because I'm a geek like that. I just wanted to make it a bit clearer what's going on in my head when I write this so if you want to see it search "semblance of a whole kisses1991". I'm not claiming to be good at drawing or anything…_


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